Wet Nose

It was a condition, and not a good one.  Maybe more, maybe less.  Not sure yet, but it sure isn't normal.  Mighta been a bad idea to trust the drink, not in that bar.  Heard the guy who used to run it wasn't from 'round these here parts.  Came from up north, but not so far as Canada.  Michigan or somethin'.  Anyway, he was one of those lab types.  Even wore his lab coat at the bar, servin' up the drinks.  Shoulda been a tip off, but his place was cheap.  Didn't taste bad, most days, and it got you drunk, most days.  He'd always scribble somethin' down, made us up tabs.  Wouldn't serve some stuff to some people depending on the day.  He was quirky.  Nice though, at least he smiled a lot.  Anyway, me and the boys, you know the boys, we headed there one night.  It was hot, we just got done with work and the weekend called us.  Wasn't like we were gonna get back until bars closed, and if we could help it we'd buy up some beers for the road and drink out in the desert.  That was the plan.  Got me one of the new brews on tap.  It was rich, almost black it was so brown and it went down thick and heavy.  Knocked one back and went for another, made me wait a while 'fore he gave it to me, but that wasn't out of the normal.  Anyway, I start in on the second and when I'm draining it I get a nosebleed.  Don't wanna get blood on my clothes, stuff stains and I was in a white shirt.  PLus the thing was just draining out of me.  Barman, I told you he was called old man Ellis to us folks, no?  Okay, so Ellis gets a look on his face, never seen it quite before but I pegged it somewhere between surprise, worry and glee.  Was just a moment.  I went on over to the bathroom, gotta wash it all off my nose and my hands before I plugged up the part with some paper towels.  Might not be the manliest way, but it gets the job done.  I get in front of the mirror and that's when it got all weird.  My nose was blackening up.  Like it was gettin' a sunburn real quick, but darker and blacker.  Then it goes and starts growing fur.  I seen werewolf movies and this was about what was going on.  Juttin' out more and gettin' wet.  Then it goes and stops, like easin' on the breaks for a truck comin' up to a stop sign.  Just my nose.  I went and checked my teeth and me ears and didn't feel no furry tail, but I got a dog nose.  I let out a scream, explative like.  I'd been in there for a bit.  One of the boys comes in after me, makin' sure I'm okay or something and he says something like "oh fuck what's that you got there randy?"  It ain't halloween and I'm not known for jokes, but I think that's what he thought at first, never really found out.  Anyway, old man Ellis comes up behind him and he just jabs a needle into his arm.  Ben, guy who came in just collapses.  "What the fuck did you just do, Ellis?" I say.  He gives me a look and looks all disappointed.  Says "It didn't work quite right after all."  I wanna know what he did, if it was the alcohol, which he says yes it was and that he'll tell me if I just come with him for a bit.  Opens up one of the stalls and twists some levers and its like james bond a big stairwell comes poppin out of the wall.  Into the wall, really, makes more sense why we always thought the building was too long from the outside.  Down we go and the thing closes behind us.  It's dark but Ellis got himself a lighter out and when we get to the bottom he flicks on a switch.  Thought he had a brewery down here but it looks all futuristic, tubes and liquids and some bubblin', some got frost on the outside.  One of the things looks like a big vat of blood that's filtering its way down into one of the tanks.  I'm all "What the hell ~is~ this"  He don't answer, just starts fiddling around with some of the knobs.  Pours some of the liquids together and runs them under a torch.  My nose itches.  After a minute, he walks over with a cup.  Smells nasty, bright pink with little flecks of green floating around in it.  Eliis says "drink it."  I say "why?"  He says "You would like your nose back, right?"  I nod.  He says "drink it."  I do.  Tastes as bad as it smells, the little flecks catching for a moment in my throat.  I can feel the change.  Just like last time with the nose bleed.  I feel the stretching and compression this time, more than I did before.  Feels like a whole bunch of stuff gets pushed up under my skin.  Take a look at my reflection in a glass and I look fine.  Ellis says it's temporary.  Says it in lots of big words, has to backtrack a bunch to get the point across.  Gotta get a drink every day now, while he's workin' on fixin' it.  Says he wanted something different, something more controllable.  Says if he gets it right I won't need any of his liquids to flip my nose around.  Says it's hard and that it's gonna take time.  Tells me to come back next time it changes, should be tomorrow he says.  More big words.  He's talking science now.  Failed science in the seventh grade, so I got no clue how it works.  Seems like some sort of magic to me.  Still, I get free drinks now, on top of the nasty smelling ones to keep the nose in.